We have been "Paper Pregnant" for a little more than one year. I know some people hate that term, but there really isn't a better one. So, I use it, not to "pretend" that I'm pregnant or to diminish the experience of being physically pregnant. What does it mean? Well, it refers to all the paperwork that has to be done before a couple can be approved for adoption because after that, a couple could be chosen by birth parents at any time.
Having been both physically pregnant and now waiting to adopt, I can tell you that there are a lot of things they have in common. Because you are probably somewhat familiar with the physical pregnancy part, I'll mostly elaborate on my current experiences. Here's my top ten list of things that occur during physical pregnancy and paper pregnancy:
10. You have invasive inspections of personal spaces. Yes, this includes case workers having to inspect every last inch of your house for who knows what and documenting anything that could potentially be a hazard to a child. Also, infertility treatments are often being pursued simultaneously with adoption (though not in our case), and trust me, those are even more invasive than prenatal exams.
9. Complete strangers ask personal questions and offer unsolicited advice. I've had people who didn't so much as know my first name ask me how I feel about adopting babies of an ethnicity different from my own. While I'm generally comfortable discussing such things with people I know and like, I don't enjoy discussing personal decisions with complete strangers.
8. Nesting instincts. It's really hard not to buy every cute baby thing I walk by at the store. Especially if it's purple and/or pink and/or has butterflies on it.
7. Sleepless nights. Wondering and worrying and hoping everything will work out the way it is supposed to.
6. Attending classes. Not Lamaze, but adoption classes covering a huge variety of topics including everything from appropriate gifts for birth moms to infant cpr.
5. Concern for the health of the baby. This one raises all sorts of ethical questions among people who adopt because you actually have to declare on paper which health problems you could or could not handle. While everyone wants a healthy child, there is also the reality that most children have some health challenges, whether it's allergies or vision problems or something more difficult.
4. Concern for the health of the mother. I spend a lot of time praying for birth mothers. I pray for the ones we know, and the one(s) who will someday choose us. I also hope that they take their prenatal vitamins and avoid destructive substances like drugs and alcohol.
3. Emotional ups and downs. When a woman is pregnant, it's blamed on hormones. But that doesn't adequately explain the mood swings of the soon-to-be dad. All I really know is that facing that much of a life change causes stress for everyone, even though it's also very exciting.
2. Nobody knows exactly when it will end. Pregnant women might worry about their water breaking in public or getting to the hospital in time. Adoptive moms (and dads) worry about that they will get that all-important phone call at some entirely inconvenient time in their life but knowing that they will move heaven and earth to be ready and available when it does come.
1. Both make me crave ice cream. Or maybe I just always like ice cream.
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